I’ve gotten virtually no writing done on my book the past three weeks. That’s partly due to distractions like the election, post-work lethargy exacerbated by 4pm sunsets, and spending my writing time on Substack posts (which I find to be valuable reflective pieces for me and hope are sometimes useful or interesting to others). If I’m being fully honest, it’s also partly due to procrastination. Why do I need to do the dishes and delete spam emails and respond to texts before I can sit down to work on the book? Why do I prioritize other writing with my limited time?
I think it’s two things:
1) The task of completing this book seems gargantuan. I have a good skeletal outline - the ribs are there, and a few blunt features. There are even a couple of scenes in it that I love, where my lips can’t help but curl with the romanticism of nostalgia. But the rest seems like a Frankenstein of sorts - a mishmash of typed-up journal entries, voice recordings, margin notes that come to me in the moments before sleep. And then there are the parts that sit embarrassingly blank. I’ve been working in earnest on this project for a year now and would like to say that I know what I’m doing and have a first draft and a plan for publication.
None of that is true.
I believe in this project, feel called to tell this story, and I’ve written a few sentences that make me glow with pride. The rest isn’t there yet. And that’s ok.
It feels good to reflect on this without judgment, just the truth without labels. It’s overwhelming to try tackling something so huge, so I find reasons to avoid it - even something I care so deeply about. Which leads me to my second revelation.
2) I haven’t created deadlines for my book like I have with my other writing. With the Substack, I have (admittedly, self-imposed) deadlines. The earth would not shatter if I adjusted these, or cut back, or even quit to make more time for book-writing. Well, my dad has always said that I’m stubborn; I’m not sure if that’s true, but I don’t want to consider changing the Substack right now. I feel a responsibility to the people who read - whom I appreciate so deeply. I also want to believe this practice is making me a more reflective, compassionate, courageous person and writer (which will ultimately help the book, anyway).
So where to from here?
Let’s start with what I know. I don’t really know how to write a book. But I know how to train for a race.
When you train for a race, you start with a training plan. You find one online, or a coach gives you one, or you create one for yourself. You take a massive goal and break it down into achievable little building blocks. When I started training for my first triathlon, I was recovering from ACL surgery and couldn’t run a mile without stopping. I cried when I crossed the finish line. After that, I kept on surprising myself, running 10 miles for the first time, my first half-marathon, first ultramarathon, first half-Ironman. None of those goals seemed achievable when I first considered them. If I had approached my preparation simply by idolizing the finish line, I would’ve been frozen by fear and distrust in my ability. I had to break it down.
I’ve known this about the book for a while but haven’t known how to do that. I know how to write my own training plans - easy. A book still feels nebulous, though, I think because I don’t quite know what is achievable. But I have to start somewhere. The only way I will know what goals work for me is to set some and either succeed or fail; then I can adjust. With running, I learned a lot from mentors, community members, books, and online resources. I’m working on creating similar writing supports for myself. I think I might also write a “book training plan” and see how it goes.
I might fail at all of this. The book might not get published, as much as I want it to. And that’s ok, too. It feels freeing to pursue this goal simply because I can’t not try.
A call for meaning-making. I’ll end with an invitation. Wrap yourself in a blanket or your softest clothes. Cradle a mug of hot coffee or tea, or whatever makes you feel warm and safe. Ask yourself the following questions:
What are 1-2 of your biggest goals right now?
If none come to mind, why not? What is most important in your life right now? Are you pursuing it to the fullest?
Are you happy with your progress towards your goals?
If yes, what is working? Can you apply these techniques to other areas of your life?
If no, what is standing in your way? What is the most compassionate explanation for this? What’s one small thing you can do to move forward?
Thank yourself for your honesty. Being honest with ourselves can be one of the hardest - and most impactful - things to do. Then, maybe you take a small, brave step forward. Maybe you risk failure. Maybe you open yourself up to the possibility that you can do more than you imagined.
P.s. This is a bonus post! About once a month, paid subscribers receive an insider’s look into my book-writing journey (typically in the form of a short video). This was originally intended to be one of those posts, but I wanted everyone to have access to it, so enjoy the bonus! Additionally, anyone (subscriber or not) can choose one paid post to unlock for free - feel free to browse through the archives and check out any that seem interesting to you. As always, thank you for reading.
